Numero Group: By The Numbers

September 28, 2009, 2:39 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: ,

Numero contributor Dante Carfagna just typed up this absurd  and very real story over at Waxidermy. A must share tale, we’re hosting it here for future posterity:

There used to be a very real diner around 40th & Main in midtown Kansas City called Sanderson’s. One of those ancient places populated by folks that seem straight out of a Bukowski or Nelson Algren book. Real salt (and scum) of the earth type of joint that you just don’t find anymore. The spot was known for its pork tenderloin, which was absolutely gigantic and looked like some sort of unfolded brown topographical map. Just huge. It came with like twenty sides and if you ordered it you could expect the entire table to be filled with plates of food orbiting this massive piece of breaded meat.

In any case, I was eating there with my roommate who decided to order said tenderloin and when it arrived at the table we laughed at its immensity. My buddy tore into it without a second thought and was doing pretty good for about 45 minutes. At a certain point he said, “Fuck it, I can’t eat anymore of this thing.” We both looked down at the piece of meat and what remained looked exactly like E.T.’s head. I mean a perfect likeness of the everyone’s favorite cuddly film alien. My dude took a little of the leftover mashed potatoes and crafted some eyes for the little guy. Our laughter was becoming painful, we were crying so hard. Almost to scale, this shit looked exactly like ET.

We asked for a to-go box and somehow managed to smash this extra-terrestrial slab of fried pork into it. The record shop where I worked was a short walk away and we decided to retire there and shoot the shit. Somewhere along the way we decided we needed to preserve the ET Tenderloin and I figured we could just shrink-wrap that fucker at the shop. We get to the Music Exchange, go into the basement and proceed to shrink-wrap. Not really knowing what to do with a chunk of meat that looked like a movie alien, we grabbed a price gun and priced it astronomically. We then left the shop and headed home, but decided to stop at the other record store in town that was on our route back to the apartment. I’m sure there was some grass burned on the walk and the idea came about to file the priced and shrinked meat ET in the “E” section of soundtracks at the other store. So that’s what we did.

It probably sat there for five days or so, wedged betweenThe Electric Horseman and The Exorcist, before I got a call from the lady who ran the shop asking what the fuck some giant piece of meat was doing in her soundtrack browser. She knew it was something that a Music Exchange employee did because of the price sticker. I asked for ET back but she wasn’t having it, saying she threw it away the night before. Apparently a customer flipping through the OST’s saw the thing and was grossed out and called her over to remove it. And thus the birth and ultimate demise of the Tenderloin E.T from Kansas City.

1 Comment so far
Leave a comment

i was missing sanderson’s just yesterday. midtown seems to have reached both its nadir and its apex in about 1992/3. i’d just moved to kc and was sitting in sanderson’s reading the midtown reporter or whatever the housing rag published at the corner of walnut and 39th was called. two tables away was some smelly long haired looney diving up about a pound of pot right there on the tabletop. i knew i was home. sanderson’s also made some killer cinnamon rolls. also its cheesburger and fries were the ultimate hangover cure. since then it’s been one wacked out, too good to be true institution after another closing down. kc is poorer for it, but at least midtown is still scary to dumb ass white people. hopefully the current economic collapse will breed some new real mom and pop places of quality insanity. nice work, senor dante.

Comment by randy mccleary

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: